:/
I miss us.. I miss when we were happy. I miss when I was your everything. Or at least when I meant SOMETHING, to you. These pictures are the only thing I have left of you.. As long as I have our memories, you’ll still be in my heart and mind. As truly sorry as I am, I know that an apology won’t get us back again.. I’ve made so many mistakes, that ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t mean shit. I’m always searching for a way to blame you for my faults. I’m always expecting you to forgive me, when I couldn’t bring myself to forgive you. They say.. you never really know what you have until it’s gone. Well, I know what I had.. Just was too selfish to really appreciate it. It’s crazy how things work.. Took six months to build up what we had, one week to tear it apart. And if I’m lucky enough to get another chance from you, I know it’ll take forever to rebuild this. I’m willing to do whatever, whenever no matter how long it takes. Why ? Simply because I don’t break my promises. When I love, I love forreal.. When I’m placed in unfamiliar situations, I’m not sure how to act. I’ve never been truly ‘in love’ with someone before. This was all new to me. Maybe if someone else before you had me as much as you do.. I would’ve treated you 100x better. But, unfortunately, everyone in my past wasn’t as amazing as you are. And I’m not blaming them for my mistakes, I’m just saying that you were too good to be true and I didn’t know how to handle that. I’ve always doubted your love for me because I don’t see myself as someone who is.. ‘loveworthy’.. And now that I realize.. for six months, you put up with me. We put up with each other; but I appreciate anyone who can deal with my difficult, complex, ambiguous personality. I’m not sure what to say nor do.. to get ‘us’ back. But I just know that I can’t do it alone. I know you’re fed-up with me.. and the stupid decisions that I make. I know you feel as if things are just going to fall right back down again. I know you don’t trust me worth shit.. But I also know that.. we were together and lasted as long as we did, for a reason. There’s a reason why I’m typing this up, crying and hurting like hell. There’s a reason why one of us is still holding on. I don’t believe this was a mistake. This — ‘us’ — was the only thing keeping me holding on. As crappy as my life can be sometimes, this — ‘us’ — was the only thing that kept me optimistic and positive. You told me to move on.. but where could I possibly go? Nothing’s better than the best. We’re imperfect but my love for you is too perfect to let small things destroy it.. You probably think of me now as someone the total opposite of the person you met on the night of October 23, 2010 at approximately 9:30 p.m. But I’m not. I’ve just let other, irrelevant things take control of us. If anyone asked me what I want more than anything, it would be you. :/ Every wish I make at each 11:11, is for us to be together forever. I have never wished for anything else other than that. It seems like that wish hasn’t came true yet.. But I’m still hoping for it. We both hurt each other. A lot. But we also loved each other. A lot. And love is nothing but a risk. That I’m willing to take. I’ve always been willing to do anything for you. At times, I was just scared that you didn’t feel the same. I’m sick of our relationship being destroyed because of assumptions, insecurities, and fear. Neither you nor I are the ‘blame’ for our current circumstances. Our negative thoughts and insecure feelings are. But as I’ve said many times before.. I’m ready whenever you are. If you moved on today and came back to me months later, I’d drop whoever I’m with just to be with you. That’s a promise. I want us again. I want to be happy like we were in these pictures. Yeah, all the bad times will probably never be forgotten no matter how much we say we forgive each other.. But I just want to throw the past away. And start over. I know we have millions of times, but each mistake and argument only makes us stronger. I haven’t changed significantly and as quickly as you would like me to. . But I promise I’m trying. I have a vision of us together again, happy. I just need you to see that, too. I’m not apologizing, I’m just telling you that I realize everything. Even if you do give me another chance, I know that it probably wouldn’t be soon. I’m fine with that.. Not really, but as long as I know I at least have a CHANCE at getting things back.. I’ll wait as long as I can. :/ When I told you I wasn’t in love with you anymore, I lied. For some reason, I’m more in love with you than ever before. I don’t want to talk you to death.. You may not even care about half the things I said, or maybe don’t believe me.. but it’s real. Just like my love for you. I’m always here, always have been and always will. I’m willing to do whatever.. I just hope that you are too.. <3 …..
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